Wrestling - It's Academic

The promising title of the new book Steel Chair to the Head: The Pleasure and Pain of Professional Wrestling (Duke University Press) led me to believe that maybe, just maybe, this would be the academic work with intelligent discussion about professional wrestling supported by reliable research. Unfortunately, I was disappointed. It’s not a total writeoff - there are some very good essays in this book. Heather Levi’s discussion of lucha and the role of the mask in Mexican culture and wrestling and Phillip Serrato’s analysis of portrayals of Latino wrestlers are both well researched and very readable. Laurence de Garis, who in addition to being a university professor has wrestled in various indy promotions for more than a decade, writes a fascinating description of the psychology of a match. And Henry Jenkins IV writes quite movingly about his journey of wrestling fandom, outlining the sort of internal debates that most wrestling fans have at one time or another (e.g. if you are raised to believe that all people are equal and should be respected, what do you do when the wrestling audience is shouting “Faggot! Faggot! Faggot!” at the Beverly Brothers?).

Unfortunately, the rest of the book consists of the sort of essays that give academic writing a bad name. Let’s take, for example, Nicholas Sammond’s statement in his introductory essay, “With each outcry against the company [WWE] for its corrupting influence on American youth, the company gains credibility with its core audience, which is disaffected from the usual avenues of social and political expression provided it” (p. 16). That’s a whole boatload of rather elitist assumptions about how WWE’s “core audience” interacts with the WWE product, and what forms of social or political expression are available to or are used by that audience, which don’t appear to have any research or facts to back them up. Catherine Salmon and Susan Clerc’s essay on female wrestling fans online makes similar unfounded generalizations, with its implicit assumptions that all female wrestling fans want to do is to look at pictures of “hot” wrestlers or write slash fiction. Um, no.
In the under-researched department, we also have Lucia Rahilly’s essay on “professional wrestling as popular S/M narratives” which seems to be based primarily on repeated viewings of the films “Beyond the Mat” and “Wrestling with Shadows”. The argument that both Bret Hart and Mick Foley present themselves as “family men” but engage in work practices involving commercialized pleasure and pain makes some rather dubious inferences about Foley and Hart’s private lives that I don’t think either of them would react very favorably to. And it’s amazing that an essay about S&M and wrestling could mostly ignore the huge numbers of wrestlers who dress in clearly S&M inspired outfits, and the implications of that form of “presentation”.

There are two other major problems that recur throughout the book. One is the horrible academic jargon that makes even the good points dense and impenetrable. The other is the large number of stupid mistakes. Hey, Prof. Sammonds, it’s World Wrestling Entertainment, not World Wrestling Enterprises. Hey, Henry Jenkins III, Stu Hart had more than four sons, and they did not “all enjoy WWF careers”. Hey, Sharon Mazer, it’s Starrcade, not Starcade, which you easily could have checked in two seconds with Google *before* you put “[sic]”into an online posting which spelled it *correctly*.

The bottom line, and I’m sure Stone Cold would say so too: worth taking out of the library, but not worth buying.

Wrestling News July 15, 2005

WWE Diva Search contestant Alexis recently gave an interview to National Lampoon. Here’s what she had to say about the new Raw writers: On July 11, I was planning on making an allusion to Katie Vick in a poem I wrote for the talent competition... and one of the writers didn't even know who Katie Vick was. Very strange. (By the way, Eric Bischoff overheard my poem and was laughing his ass off, which made me feel pretty good!) When we Diva Search candidates wanted reliable feedback, most of us went to Stephanie McMahon.

SD: Despite their ignorance of the product I do think the new writers are generally doing a pretty good job. There are still some obvious problems but at least it seems fresh now. Also, be sure to check out that page if you want to see what Alexis’s nipples look like.

Les Thatcher gives some advice for promoters. Let the top wrestling talents wrestle, let the best talkers cut promos, and let the people who actually are funny do the comedy skits, and if all you do well is walk around and look hot, then that is what your job should be, and I believe there is a position open for that talent as well.

SD: Candice Michelle’s new look is great isn’t it?


Des Moines finally gets their own wrestling promotion in the form of 3XWrestling. In what is most likely a typo, fed co-owner Henderson (not Anderson as the article implies) does his best to counter the stereotype that wrestling is low brow:

"That couldn't be further from the truth," Anderson said. "These are people out for looking for a good time - the same kind of people who are watching baseball at Sec Taylor or NASCAR."

SD: Thanks for the help, big guy.

Also, I’d like to remind people in the Northeast United States that tomorrow night is the Ring of Honor debut of Matt Hardy in Woodbridge, CT. The show looks to be an event to remember. Hopefully WWE, Matt Hardy and ROH don’t make the same mistakes they have been making since after Raw by playing to the smart(er) ROH audience that the entire situation is a shoot. All they need to do is check the reports of the Shane Douglas appearance last month to see how well that stuff flies with that audience.

And finally, this Sunday is the TNA July pay per view No Surrender which many believe Matt Hardy is also booked for. I’ll be giving a final rundown either tomorrow or early Sunday for that one.

Vilifying WWE: Muhammad Hassan

It is amazing to me that, over 20 years since Vince McMahon and company essentially turned wrestling into a – at least somewhat – legitimate business venture, he is still able to create controversy over events that, in any other form, are seen as innocuous entertainment.

This past Thursday on Smackdown an incident occurred wherein the Undertaker was assaulted by four masked men, an assault clearly meant to simulate a terrorist attack. It was the WWE’s misfortune to tape this incident last Monday, completely unaware that Thursday morning England would become the latest victim of terrorism.

Unwisely, WWE chose to air this segment in the US and ever since then, this “controversy” has slowly trickled into the national media’s attention, which is the focus of this column. (And yes, I’m aware that it’s very likely Mr. McMahon himself is the one who has stirred up this controversy)

WWE made a very poor decision to air the segment. I’m not going to deny that. Instead, I contend that scenes such as this are completely commonplace on American dramas and air unedited and uncensored every single day. And yet, with few exceptions, you hear nothing about it.

This past season on 24 Arab terrorists were the villains, which elicited a minor controversy. However, on the WWE segment we could not see the “terrorists”. In this post-9/11 world, WWE left it to the audience to assume that they were Arabs. And we all know what assumptions do.

The Hassan character has been woefully misused by WWE Creative. Had he been utilized in the manner he was originally intended to be used, e.g. as a disaffected Arab-American who could not understand why he was the victim of hatred post-9/11, then this nonsense would not have ever happened to begin with. Now that it is convenient to do so, however, WWE has returned to this “original” design to pitifully explain away the entire incident, which simply doesn’t cut it.

The fact remains, however, that WWE has no moral responsibility here. It is a scripted television show. It is low-brow entertainment. Since September 11, I have seen shows where people get their heads cut off -- no controversy. I’ve seen shows where people get kidnapped by terrorists -- no controversy. This kind of double-standard is piss-poor journalism.

The angle itself is ludicrous, offensive nonsense, but Vince McMahon is not the social conscience of this nation. God help us if we ever believe he should be. It is unreasonable and unfair to hold wrestling to standards that other scripted television shows are not held to simply because it’s wrestling. Attack the angle, attack the misuse of Hassan, but enough is enough with this hypocrisy that wrestling should somehow rise above what some of the so-called best shows in this country get away with on a weekly basis.

OVW TV for 7/9 : The Last Dance

OVW TV Report for 7/9/05:
The Last Dance or Cornette's Last Stand...

Taped on 7/6/05 from the New Davis Arena in Louisville KY

Let the BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

Your Hosts are Jim Cornette and Dean “The Howard Cosell of Kentuckiana “ Hill

Tonight, Elijah Burke v.s. “The Golden Boy” Ken Doane (ooo, what a match to go out on!), war between Team OVW and Bolin Services, the controversy continues between “The Shooter” Brent Albright and Aaron “The Idol” Stevens, my gawd, it's deafening in here!

Chris Cage/Nick Nemeth v.s. ???

I really like the look of Cage and Nemeth as a team coming out. We'll see how they look in the ring. And their opponents...

It's Danny Doring and Roadkill (w/ Tank Toland, Chad Toland, Ken Anderson, and Jillian Hall). Cornette tells us these two are the former World Champions who will fight the Thrillseekers at Six Flags. I mark for how Dean Hill announces Roadkill's name. Roadkill does the pose! Chris Kay is your referee, kickin things off on the WB!

Cornette says it looks like Roadkill came off the top of a wedding cake, and being former ECW World Tag Champions was like being the “nicest guy in prison, it's not much of an honor”. Doring and Cage start. The Tolands join us for commentary. Basically, the Thrillseekers have to beat Doring/Roadkill to get a shot at the Tolands aka the Blonde Bombers these days. Doring/Cage work off a headlock. Leapdrog, dropkick, 2 count by Cage. Nemeth and Roadkil in. Roadkill pose! Kick to the gut, crappy punches, Nemeth punches away on Roadkill, then hits a spinning headscissors that looks all crappy cuz Roadkill is selling it. Doubleteam, double elbow on Roadkill, 2 count. Cornette says “Roadkill is living up to his name”. Roadkill runs into an elbow, dropkick off the 2nd rope by Cage gets 2. Tank says on commentary they're being good spots to even let the Thrillseekers have a chance to get a title shot. Cage collides with Doring after being whipped into the ropes, and Roadkill gives him a slam. Vaderbomb off the 2nd rope gets 2. Doring in now. HART ATTACK! 2 count. Doring stomps away, drops some elbows. Roadkill in, kick to the gut. Scooop slam. Roadkill goes for a splash off the top, but he misses. Doring in, Cage rolls out of his way and tags in Nemeth. Punches for everyone! Backdrop! Dropkick. Superkick to Doring, Roadkill breaks it up. Cage in on Roadkill. The ref acttually does his job and gets Cage out of the ring, allowing Roadkill and Doring to doubleteam Nemeth. Roadkill holds Nemeth in a wheelbarrow position and Doring comes off the top rope with a legdrop to vegamatic him! 3 count. I'm sure that has some sort of ECW name but my mind is blank. Weak ECW chants.

Next, an interview with team OVW!

Derby Park Expo 5, steal the next WWE PPV with OVW!

See RAW LIVE with BATISTA, HHH, Benjamin, Ric Flair, and CHRIS BENOIT, plus Chris Jericho, Trish Stratus, Edge and MORE

Cornette is at the announce desk introducing a recap. It started as a tag match but ended in a riot!


A couple other refs come from the back and try to tell the ref what happened (Doane cheating), but Mondo takes them out. Bolin waves to the back... it's BIG GUIDO. Cornette says “By gawd, he's gotta be 7 feet tall!”. A bunch of jobbers come out of the back but Guido holds them off. We gotta get some help. Cornette says he has no business in the ring. Burke's eye is busted up. We're outta time! Bolin has declared WAR!>

Back “live”, here comes Elijah Burke and Deuce Shade to the ring. They play Shade's music which disappoints me greatly. Cornette introduces them and shakes their hands. Cornette says this Friday, Bolin Services is going to have a war! Shade says Bolin Services has declared war. You can tell he got the Jimmy Snuka Jr gimmick because he can't cut a promo to save his life. Shade says he made a few calls to Vegas and talked to a bookie. All the odds, everyone is betting on Team OVW. Shade knows the bookies at thegreek.com? They are going to experience some bombs from Team OVW. Burke says he knows about experiences, he had 8 experiences last week from the vicious attack last week. It failed in comprarsion to what they're going to do to BS. Brother this is a war we're gonna finish. Come 6 flags, me Deucemaster, we're gonna get funky like a monkey!

Cornette says this isn't a normal tag match, this is going to be a COWARD WAVES THE FLAG MATCH. The match can't be stopped until the cornerman for one team waves the white flag. Bolin will be in one corner... and the other cornerman is going to be... Jim Cornette! He's going to be there. Whoops, that might be a problem, now you've screwed over a Six Flags event WWE. Cornette calls Bolin a gutless coward and he's going to be waving the flag. Cornette doesn't care, he's never going to wave the flag even if his guys have bones sticking out of their legs. Cornette says Bolin is a gutless coward, and when he sees his life investment Bolin Services in the middle of that ring pummeled in the middle of the ring, he's going to wave the flag. His wrestlers can beg the referee, but the ref will say he can't stop it, only Bolin can. Team OVW is going to make sure Bolin Services has the worst day of their life.

Update on the OVW title... next!

Six Flags Summer Sizzler Series. Randy Orton face to face with Ken Doane. Team OVW v.s. Team Bolin Services. Cornette says he'll be in Team OVW's corner again here. Brent Albright v.s. Aaraon “The Idol” Stevens. Thrillseekers v.s. Doring/Roadkill. Plus two more BIG MATCHES!

Cornette is gonna talk and take us back to last week... ZZZZ. Read the report. Basically Idol slaps the figure four on Albright after the match outside th ring.

Let us take you to pretaped comments from Brent Albright, being interviewed by Maria. Maria doesn't sound like a ditz. Albright says it's going to take more than one submission hold to hang with the shooter. You can't hang with a 7-time freestyle wrestling champion who has the most devasting hold in pro wrestling today, the Crowbar. On July 15, it's going to be the crowbar v.s. The Idollock. After the match, the title and your arm all go home with me! Great promo.

Here comes

Aaron “The Idol” Stevens” (w/ Beth Phoenix) v.s. Chet the Jet.

Fat ringrat chants for Chet. Idol backs Chet into the corner. Cornette explains how the top-rope rule works in OVW. Chet taunts Idol as he gets the better of a couple exchanges. Shoulderblock. Akward wrestling sequence. Lots of headlocks and headscissors but it looked sloppy. Kick to the nuts by Chet, suplex. 2 count. Chop, chop, whip to the buckle, reversed, elbow, Phoenix on the apron and rakes Chet's eyes. Chop block, kick to the knee a few times by Idol. Idol cranks on Chet's knee. Some unique legwork offense here. Chet fights back but gets kicked in the knee. He goes for another kick to the knee but Chet spins around and clotheslines him. Plenty of punches. Suplex into a Falcon Arrow for 2. Chet screws up, hits his knee on the buckle, Idol-Lock! Chet taps! He won't break the hold. Here's Brent Albright. He rolls Chet over, reversing the pressure of the figure-four and then locks in the Crowbar on Stevens' arm. Stevens taps like crazy. Phoenix rakes both their eyes to break the hold up.

We'll be back with Seth Skyfire in action!

Raw LIVE in Louisville with all the RAW SUPERSTARS... and BATISTA AND CHRIS BENOIT

Seth Skyfire v.s. Cliff Compton. I smell Boogieman run-in. Cornette says it sounds like Beatlemania when Seth Skyfire comes out to the ring. Spinning headscissors is botched. Cornette says Seth Skyfire is “So quick he's sudden, and any other Gordon Solie cliches I can think of”. Running dropkick. Oh noes, it's the HALLOWEEN MUSIC! Cornette says “our sound man has obviously made a miscue”. My god, it's the Boogieman out from the ring apron. He's got INFLATABLE HORNS ON! And a STAFF! Cornette says he must have been under the ring since this afternoon. Cornette says this man has a history of violent assault. The wrestlers and refs bail. He definitely has Warryah style facepaint on. Cornette says this man lied about his record when he was on Tough Enough. He gets the mic and goes

HAHAHAHA. He says the Itsy Bitsy Spider song and the crowd laughs. BOOGIEMAN. BECAUSE YOU CHILDREN FEAR BOOGIEMAN HAHAH! YES AND YOU ADULTS YOU BEGIN YOU PRETEND LIKE YOU NOT AFRAID OF the BOOGIEMAN WELL YOU SHOULD BE HAHAH YEAS THIS FRIDAY NIGHT WHEN DARKNESS FALLS ON SIX FLAGS HAHAHA. YES I WILL MAKE ALL OF YOU BELIEVE IN the BOOGIEMAN BECAUSE THE BOOGIEMAN IS REAL THE BOOGIEMAN IS HERE THE BOOGIEMAN WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE WILL MAKE YOU ALL BELIEVEEE BOOM-SHAKKA-LAKKA! (Yes, I'm not shitting you, he said "BOOM-SHAKKA-LAKKA" like he just dunked in NBA Jam).

It took him about 2 minutes to say that.

ROTFL, that was GREAT! Cornette says Six Flags is no place for someone this mentally unstable. This totally worked on a Plan 9 from Outer Space Level. Crowd chants “BOOGIEMAN”. He goes after some little kid in the front row, and goes out the emergency exit BACKWARDS as Cornette screams to go to break!

Okay here comes Bolin Services. Here's Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin, Ms. Blue, “The Giant Killer” Mike Mondo on Big Guido's shoulders FBI-style, Blaster Lasheley, “The Golden Boy” Ken Doane with Desiree and the TV title trophy. Whew. Dean Hill is doing this interview. He says Bolin Services will have all they can handle at Six Flags this weekend. When it comes to Randy Orton, Ken Doane can handle anything.

This Friday night, Ken Doane will prove why he is the best in the business today. He says Orton's record will be dust in the wind. Bolin says he's a ruthless heartless CEO and he could care less about the wrestlers' pain. He'll never wave the flag. He asks Mondo if he wants him to wave the flag and Mondo says he'll never surrender. Don't ever utter those words again. You want a war, you've got a war. You want a fight, you got a fight. It's going to be a dog fight, because we're going to punch and kick and do whatever it takes to survive. Ms. Blue hands a Boxing Pad to Bolin and Mondo throws some punches at it. At Six Flags, there's going to be no whistle-blowing, bring everything that you have, I'm going to show you guys what gutcheck time is. Blaster Lasheley says wave that flag in his squeaky voice. God, he sounds like Michael Jackson trying to talk in a deep voice. He says as far as the flag goes, we don't need a flag. Bolin says he brought in Big Guido to be his bodyguard so that nobody could make him wave the flag, and he swears on his father's grave he won't wave it this Friday!

Next: Ken Doane v.s. Elijah Burke for the TV title.

Elijah Burke v.s. Ken Doane (w/ Desiree and Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin)

Burke's right eye is bandaged up. Burke throws Doane into the ring and punches away on him. This should be good, with two guys who should be at least WWE midcarders in a year or two. He punches away like crazy. Head to the buckle. Doane tries to bail but gets punched. Whip to the buckle, backdrop! Cover, 2 count. Scoooop slam. Shade comes to ringside to guard Elijah Burke's corner. Burke goes up top... but Doane knocks the ref into the ropes and Burke falls violently off! 2 count. Doane stomps away. Head to the buckle. Punch to the back of the head. 2 count. He pulls off the bandage around Burke's eye. Burke tries to fight back but eats a knee. Head to the buckle. Scoop slam. Stone Cold elbow drop. 2 count. Head to the buckle blocked, Doane to the buckle! Doane comes back with a thumb to the injured eye. Doane acts like he kicks Burke on the apron, but he misses by a mile. Burke still rolls out of the ring. Burke thrown back in the ring. “Porky” chants. 2 count. Elbows, kicks, stomps in the corner. Bolin attempts to choke Burke in the corner but Deuce Shade chases him away. Kneedrop, 2 count. Man, this kick has the WWE style down already. Whip to the ropes, elbow. Reverse chinlock, cranking on it Orton style. Burke fights back. Whip to the ropes, clothesline ducked. Double crossbody at the same time and the ref counts to 10. Both men up. Burke gives him some big punches and kicks, chops, clothesline. Atomic drop. Flying forearm. 2 count. Whip to the buckle, Doane moves out of the way but Burke grabs him and whips him into the buckle again (that looked like a blown spot). Burke misses with a splash into the corner. Spinebuster by Burke! Bolin distracts the ref. Shade gets Bolin. Desiree hits Burke in the nards. Ring the bell, that's a DQ. Here comes Mondo and Lasheley. Cornette says “This Whole Arena has GONE WILD” as the crowd is dead silent. Shade triple teamed. He tries to fight them off to no avail. Powerslam on Shade by Lasheley. Burke in the ring with a kendo stick. By Gawd! He's laying it to them. It's going to be a war this night at Six Flags.

Okay, not as good of a show as it looked on paper from Ffing through it.

Is this the end of Jim Cornette? We'll find out VERY soon.

Wrestling News July 12, 2005

WWE is now getting major press for their controversial Muhammed Hassan angle from Smackdown last week.
First, we get the half-assed WWE non-apology:"We all feel bad about the timing of the segment," said WWE spokesman Gary Davis, who said the show wasn't attempting to depict a terrorist attack -- although he said he understood how some viewers might construe it as such. "People will see what happens this week (as the storyline) gets straightened out."

Now, the UPN half-assed non-apology: "Due to the tragic events in London, we took the added measure of running an advisory four times throughout the broadcast so that viewers could make the appropriate viewing decision for their household," the network said in a statement. "We will continue to monitor the situation involving this character and storyline."

SD: Neither party is willing to accept any blame for the controversy. It’s obvious by how the statements are worded that both companies felt that this could give their respective companies a bit of a boost by being “edgy” but after it failed to deliver as they hoped they are out for the quick fix.

Kevin Dunn was quoted by a few media outlets giving what is most likely the company standpoint: "We're very proud of our product," said "Smackdown" executive producer Kevin Dunn. "We try and be sensitive with everything we portray, but there's got to be protagonists and antagonists on our TV shows.

"We just happen to reflect the politics of the world sometimes — especially with these Arab-American characters."

SD: And as somebody who has a number of friends and acquaintances who are Arab-Americans, let me be quoted as saying “Bullshit.” The only politics reflected in that angle were of those in charge of the WWE product. The actions certainly weren’t in character for Hassan and Daivari. It was an attempt to bring back Shock TV. And just like the Katie Vick saga it backfired tremendously.

But we’re not quite done yet!

As the controversy develops over this, UPN is nixing further developments in the angle according to Meltzer: UPN sent word today to WWE after all the negative media publicity stemming from last week's show that they didn't want the Muhammad Hassan character on this week's show.

WWE had planned a storyline change for Hassan tonight in Worcester after the storyline involving terrorists from last week backfired.

SD: And now they’re screwed. UPN has all the power in this situation. WWE fails to realize that what you do on cable doesn’t necessarily mean it is appropriate for network broadcast. It’s sad that it takes bad timing with a real life event to lead WWE to realize their problems with representation on their programming.


Jeff Jarrett recently commented on what a rookie needs to do to make it as a wrestler: It's pretty simple as far as advice goes…LEARN THE BASICS. The basics of psychology. To be fundamentally sound in the ring and to do the best you possibly can at learning who your audience is. That's the essence of the entertainment business, understanding your audience.

SD: No arguments there.

In other TNA news, AJ Styles vs Sean Waltman has been added to this Sundays “No Surrender” pay per view card. The special guest referee will be Jerry Lynn. The rest of the card, at this point, is as followed:

STEEL CHAIN DOG COLLAR MATCH - NO SURRENDER
FOR THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Raven (c) Vs. "The Monster" Abyss

X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
"The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels (c) Vs. Petey Williams

America's Most Wanted Vs. Michael Shane and Alex Shelley

Samoa Joe Vs. Chris Sabin

SD: Good looking card. I just hope that the Raven/Abyss dog collar match isn’t as bad as the Trimmins/Abdul match I saw last Sunday. There’s still no official word whether or not Matt Hardy will be at the pay per view.

ROH News:
Ring of Honor announced over the weekend that Kenta Kobashi will be working for the company on October 1st.

This weekend sees Matt Hardy’s debut for the company this Saturday in Woodbridge, CT. Here’s the card:
*ROH champion CM Punk vs. James Gibson
*Christopher Daniels vs. Matt Hardy
*ROH Pure champion Samoa Joe vs. Jimmy Rave
*ROH Tag Team champions The Carnage Crew vs. The Embassy vs. Lacey's Angels vs. The Ring Crew Express of Dunn & Marcos - Ultimate Endurance bout
*AJ Styles vs. Roderick Strong
*Nigel McGuiness vs. Claudio Castagnoli
*Austin Aries vs. El Generico
*Homicide vs. Kevin Steen vs. Azrieal vs. Dixie

SD: Kenta Kobashi in ROH is huge news. He's one of the biggest names in the Japanese industry. He's very well respected by "smart" fans and many American workers as well. As for the Woodbridge show, I wish I could be there. I can't see CM Punk vs James Gibson being anything other than a fantastic match. I also think this will be the first time that a WWE contracted wrestler (Matt Hardy) will go one on one with a contracted TNA wrestler (Christopher Daniels).

Matt Hardy on Raw

Thoughts?

Cleveland All Pro Wrestling July 12, 2005 Review

Yesterday afternoon/evening I attended the 12th Cleveland All Pro wrestling (CAPW) Anniversary here in Cleveland, Ohio. Like all indy feds, you see the usual fans in attendance and get to see a regular core group of workers as well. Being the 12th Anniverary, brought in a cast of irregulars and first timers as well. A good portion of these tonight were simply assholes. More on them later (mostly in match reviews). Let’s get on with the show.

Warning: Long Review. If you need to use the sidebar to skip to other posts

Match 1
Chris Cronus vs. Deviant vs. Bane vs. Raymond Rowe
In this elimination match you have two perennial CAPW workers in the recently turned heel Bane and one half of the Burning River Brigade (with the injured Josh Prohibition) Raymond Rowe. The other two workers are relative newcomers to the fed Deviant (who looks a bit like Randy Orton) and the undefeated Chris Cronus. All the wrestlers in this match were heels. Rowe was trying to get Jason Bane to form an alliance with him and would look to the crowd and point to his own head as if to say he was smart. The match had a lot of fun spots such as Rowe showing the rookies how to throw a good suplex (after the fans heckled them). Eventually Bane’s temper blew and he went after Rowe. They fought there way to the back and got counted out. Cronus then picked up the win following an F5.

Match 2
Jr. Heavyweight Title Match
Dios Salvadorr vs Aero
This was a good match but could have been great. I think they may have been flustered a bot by the fans who yelled about everything but the match. Like why was it important for the fans to yell about Dios’s ninja shoes for 5 minutes? Or talk about how skinny Aero is? Or which one is gayer? Dios at least looked a lot more flustered than the masked Aero and it seemingly affected his timing a bit. In what was probably the best spot of the night Aero hit a t-bone suplex standing from the top rope but held tight as he did a moonsault himself as the landed looking like a reverse flatliner. Very cool looking. Aero is the new CAPW Jr. Heavyweight Champion.

Match 3
Ian Roth & Ryan Reicz vs. Michael Hellborn & Barry Saggitarious
This was a quarterfinals match in the CAPW tag team tournament. I’m a huge mark for Barry and especially Hellborn (formerly the BasketNazi). Together they have a lot of great chemistry as Barry is a fun loon and Hellborn is a sadistic bastard playing the father figure role to Barry. The match had a lot of fun spots and Hellborn is starting to take off as a face (despite his previous gimmick). Barry took a lot of stiff suplexes from both Ian and Ryan while Hellborn gave “stiff shots to safe places” ala Regal and Holly. At one point in the match Reicz was going to do Jericho’s springboard dropkick to Hellborn but slipped and fell down. The crowd started the “You Fucked Up” chant and Hellborn started cracking up and joined in before he and Barry double teamed Reicz. I can’t recall how but eventually Roth and Reicz picked up the win to advance to the semi-finals next month.

Match 4
Carlton Kaz & Adam Cage vs. Extreme Violence
Actually only half the team was from Extreme Violence (Perry) but I can’t recall his partner’s name for the night. Lars something? Anyway, this was a quarterfinals match as well. Extreme Violence made it this far in the tournament by losing every qualifying match up to this point. But I don’t mind because they are very good workers. I honestly don’t remember much about this match except for the crowd giving Perry’s tag partner shit for being green. It was either this match or the previous that saw a wicked as hell double team maneuver for the win. Cage and Kaz advanced to the semifinals.

Match 5
CAPW Unified Heavyweight Title Match
Buff Bagwell vs. Chris Hamrick
Buff comes out and plays the face for the match. He’s looking a little more like Puff Bagwell now. Hamrick came down to the ring with Tracy Smothers, J.T. Lightning and Krystal Frost. All four of these workers get some very strong heel heat alone but altogether it was unreal. Before the got in the ring Buff invited CAPW superfan Randy into the ring to pose which got a pop from the crowd. Randy and Hamrick are always arguing with each other. Hamrick said that was the gayest thing he had ever seen. They ripped into the crowd a bit more and the crowd went nuts. Unfortunately a few of the irregulars kept going “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” in unison to drown out everything that was said on the mic. Hamrick then diverted his attention to Buff and asked him if his mom was going to save him from the beating he was about to take. Tracy, JT and Krystal then started yelling at the crowd again which caused about 10 fans to rush to the ring. Security was kinda holding them back (they didn’t really want to get in there anyway). For the next 10 minutes the heels tore apart these fans and were yelling at them to sit down and shut up. Buff grabbed the mic to try to smooth the situation over a bit which helped. Then Hamrick grabbed the mic back and directed his attention to Buff. He said (paraphrased) “Tell me, Buff Daddy. What would you rather have? This CAPW Unified Heavyweight belt or a bottle of painkillers you drug addict? Maybe you’d be better off going back to rehab than wrestle me for the title.” Buff looked pissed and mouthed something at him. Another fan came down to the ring and whispered something to buff. Buff handed him the mic and the fan cut a better promo than 90% of the wrestlers out there today about how they should just shut up and wrestle.

The fans finally got settled down and seated and Tracy, J.T. and Krystale went to the back. The match itself was fairly basic Southern heel vs face but still effective. I’d probably put it up there as one of Buff’s best matches I have seen. Towards the end Tracy, J.T. and Krystal trried to interfere but it all flopped leading to Buff winning the match and the title. After they heels started arguing. Hamick tore them all down for botching their interferance when he’d successfully defended the belt for 7 months in a row. When he turned around he got attacked and stomped down. Buff ran in for the save and made a challenge for a tag match at the next show; Buff and Hamrick vs J.T. and Tracy with Krystal. Including last night’s show Buff is signed to appear for three months/shows. So if (ie, when) Hamrick turns on Buff in the tag match it is sure to make him look stupid.

Next we got an intermission where buff would do polaroids and signatures for $10 a person. I got some pizza and a Pepsi at this point as I started to get a headache from the fans and thought actually eating something that day might help.

Match 6
Shiima Xion & Jason Scott vs. Unknown & Virus
This was the next quarterfinals match for the tag team tournament. Unknown and Virus, aka Q&A, are very talented workers who can get a lot of heel heat with very little trouble. Motormouths, cockiness and masks are a very effective combination. Jason Scott and Shiima Xion got to the quarterfinals because Jason Scott and his partner last month, Deviant, lost their match to Cage and Kaz. I don’t get it either but I don’t care because Jason Scott has a lot of promise. Anyway, Q&A noticed that the running theme of the night from the crowd was homosexual slurs so they patted each other on the butt which got a lot of heat. The match itself was very, very good indy wrestling. Q&A are crisp as hell and are great at ring psychology. Their moves are stunning and they know how to keep fans interested besides. If I recall correctly, Q&A picked up the win with this double team move that you just had to see to understand. I can’t even begin to describe it. Q&A advance to the semifinals.

Match 7
20 Man over the top Russian Roulette Royal!
What is a Russian Roulette Rumble you ask? It’s a Royal Rumble with the time span set at 30 seconds for entrants with a bunch of wrestlers I never heard of and without the benefit of Pat Patterson booking it. Or even seemingly without the benefit of J.T. Lightning booking it beyond the entrance order and the winner. Dios worked a double shift and was in this and I believe Aero was in it as well sans mask as the Hebrew Hammer (but I could be mistaken on that one). I believe Nick Tatum won the match. It was the first dud of the night.

Match 8
JT Lightning & Tracy Smothers (with Krystal Frost) vs Justin Idol & M-Dogg 20
The last of the nights quarterfinal matchups. Before the match began we got some of the usual Tracy Smothers banter like “If I hear anybody chant “Tracy suck Tracy suck then JT is gonna get out there and slap all the men and Krystal is gonna slap all the women in the audience”. Which got the desired chant rolling. Justin Idol, for the first time I have ever heard, then grabbed the mic and cut a bit of a promo. The audience started screaming about him having a speech impediment. Assholes. Anyway, Justin and (local boy) M-Dogg 20 made it to the quarterfinals when Justin and Dios Salvatore beat Q&A and Extreme Violence two months ago. JT and Tracy made it when JT and N8 Mattson beat the Tri Chi fraternity last month.

The match was a bit of a style clash as M-Dogg is mostly high spots and Justin is highspots with a more flashy traditional style whereas the much larger JT and Tracy are almost strictly traditional workers. At one point in the match somebody asked JT what the main event was. He replied with “I’m the main event!” We all laughed then later wished it was true. We got some topes to the outside and some classic veteran heel tricks and interference by Krystal. Speaking of Krystal, during the match the fans were absolutely brutal to her. Female indy workers usually have it pretty bad but the sheer overly sexualized comments hurled at her by the fans last night was far over the line — much worse than the usual cheuvanistic comments and into a creepy ouevre of pornographic obsessiveness.

Eventually JT and Tracy picked up the win somehow (my headache must have blocked out the details) to advance. Potentially JT and Tracy can have three matches next month as the Semi-Finals and Finals of the tag tournament are scheduled to take place as well as the special challenge issued by Buff and Hamrick.

So next month we have JT Lightning/Tracy Smothers; Q&A; Roth and Reicz; and Adam Cage & Carlton Kaz in the semifinals and finals of the tag team tournament. In addition we have Tracy Smothers & JT Lightning (with Krystal Frost) vs Buff Bagwell and Chris Hamrick. If we get three match with Tracy/JT/Krystal then I’m not going to complain one bit.

Match 9
Dog Collar
Sheik Abdul Hassan vs. Dick Trimmins
And now the second half of the double main event. Normally I don’t like publicly slamming a match because I truly appreciate the work that goes into it. I appreciate that the workers busted their asses to entertain the fans. I appreciate that the bookers are trying to do right with their workers and give the fans their money worth. I appreciate people doing something that they love for people who love the same thing they do. But this feud, and in particular this match, was just plain bad.

Let’s talk about the feud history a bit. These two wrestlers, Abdul and Trimmins, were part of a tag team called Da Munchies. They were very over faces struggling to get the tag team gold. After they won it, Trimmings turned on Hassan saying he is sick of carrying the team. The next month they have their first match.

Match 1: Dick Trimmins sports a table cloth on his head like Sabu or other Muslims would wear on their head and said he is now Richard Trimmins. Sheik is now called Too Cool Abdul and started throwing Twinkies into the crowd like Trimmins used to. Mocking the former tag partner as part of a feud is ok but these two overact. Comically. Their first post-Munchies match was simply not so good. They seemingly have no in-ring chemistry together. It ended in with Trimmins cheating to win. Sheik challenged for a rematch.

Match 2: Trimmins comes out first with Muhammed Hassan’s music and sporting an Iron Sheik-esque mustache complete with the former Iraqi flag. Then Sheik comes out to “Real American” and dressed like Hogan. They put on a show more than a match which fits their workstyle better. It ended in a No-Contest due to both beating up the ref to fight each other. Sheik grabbed the mic and did a very good Hogan impression challenging for a dog collar match. It was eventually accepted. This brings us to…

Match 3 from last night: Trimmins is wearing a more traditional head gear and no mustache or flag. Sheik comes outwearing the dog collar with a long, long chain attached to it. Trimmins bails refusing to take part. They are trying for reality but it isn’t working. A couple reasons are Trimmin’s high pitched voice and Shiek smiling and acknowledging marijuana referencing signs. The referee says that if he doesn’t wrestle he will be suspended from CAPW for life as per the contract. He puts it on while on the outside and gets attacked in the classic dog collar match ways.

Eventually Trimmins is pulled back into the ring and Sheik attacks him with the chain. Except he did the protective thing where you hit just on the other side of the body so it hits the mat thing. And it was too obvious. Fans started getting noisy and filing out the door. Shiek then wraps his hand in the chain and delivers shallow punches to Trimmins head before going back to looking to the crowd and playing with the chain as if he’s setting something up. He again whips the mat on the other side of Trimmins. The crowd is pulled more and more out of the match and is shitting all over it. They go back and forth a bit and eventually start really using the chain but by this point it was too late. Sheik tries to get the crowd back by wrapping the chain around Trimmins’s head and across his eyes. I know it has to hurt but the wannabe smart marks in the crowd thinks it is still fake. Sheik throws Trimmins over the top rope and really does hang him for a while that way since Trimmins slipped off the apron.

Back in the ring the crowd is getting worse and more people are leaving. Frustration is setting in with the workers. They try whipping each other for real with the chain — hard at that — but it isn’t working. Every swing of the chain or punch is totally at random. Nothing is targeted twice and both both go from beating down the other while invincible to selling like they were shot and back again. Both men got color but the crowd thinks it is ketchup because of low flow and how the match started. Eventually Trimmins gets to the top rope, punched in the groin with about 4 feet of chain wrapped around a fist and piledriven as he is bent over from that position. Sheik won the match and hopefully the feud.

After the match Sheik tore his dog collar off and started screaming at this one loud guy in the crowd who is always there as if it was all his fault the crowd turned on the match. "GET IN THE RING BIG BOY IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER! COME ON! GET IN HERE! YOU FUCKING MARK! YOU'RE A FUCKING MARK!" he yelled much to the disbelief of everybody in attendance.

Why did this match fail to deliver so much? A number of reasons. 1) Both workers are best suited for comedy roles. They are capable of hardcore matches but they can’t help but do comedy spots in them. 2) The feud up until this match wasn’t treated as much more than comedy with some “I’m really angry”isms thrown in only at the end of the previous matches. 3) This particular match was made as both workers were parodying other characters. That setup got a pop but only because they were parodying at the time. The pop was for their portrayals — not for the potential match. 4) Neither worker convincingly sold that this match was going to be brutal going into it. Trimmins didn’t really seem scared and Sheik wasn’t convincing enough as wanting to be sadistic. And 5) The workers themselves set the “fake” stigma early on themselves by not actually using the chain and only pretending to. When the hits and spots had real moments the crowd didn’t buy into it. Even if the crowd didn’t turn on it the way it had it still would have been a bad match. There was no flow. No reason for any of the spots. No psychology or selling outside of when spots were done on them.

Granted, I am not a worker and am merely a mark myself (why else would I go see local wrestling and write about it?) but some things are blatantly obvious to even the untrained eye. Trimmins and Sheik didn’t do their homework before the match. There was nothing in this match reminiscent of Valentine/Piper, Sting/Koloff or even Raven&Stevie/Pitbulls. It was randomness and on the spot working with the gimmick. Nothing inspired, nothing delivered except obvious frustration from the workers and fan perspective. At one point in the match somebody saw JT Lightning in the concession booth gauging the match and the audience. Somebody yelled out to him and he looked over “Why did you book this match?” JT looked in the ring, smiled, and went back to counting the take in concessions.

Wrestling News July 10, 2005

No real news today, but wanted to comment on this tidbit from the Observer:

--Paul Heyman will be writing OVW television at least this week. We don't have confirmation if that's a permanent deal or not.

JR comments (not that JR): This could go absolutely nowhere, but it could be huge news and I thought it was worth mentioning. If Vince goes ahead and gives Heyman free reign it solves several problems that have needed dealing with. First, it gets Heyman his own show, which means it gives WWE an excuse to keep him hired. I think the last thing Vince wants is Heyman to go to TNA. The man is a booking genius. Second, it gets Heyman out of the backstage WWE picture. As amazing as Heyman is with the book, he's horrible at playing WWE's political games, which he's proven time and again. The only problem I can really perceive coming from this is if/when Vince decides a young rookie is ready to move up to WWE and Heyman disagrees. Given Heyman's lack of tact, that could be a real future fireworks display indeed.

OVW TV Report for 7/2/05

OVW TV Report for 7/2/05

• Your Hosts are Jim Cornette and Dean “The Hammer” Hill

Tonight, a WWE superstar is revealed for the next Six Flags show, Brent Albright v.s. Aaron “The Idol” Stevens for the OVW Title, Bolin Services v.s. Elijah Burke and Deuce Shade, but first, let's go to the ring.

Chet the Jet/Nick Nemeth v.s. Robbie Dauber/Vik Delicious

Nemuth and Chet pick up the win. Slightly better action here than most OVW matches as far as spots go but no psychology or story at all from these guys who are still green. Cornette tried to put over Nemuth as having huge potential.

Let us take you back to the hot angle from last week when Doane pinned Deuce Shade with help from Bolin Services. Elijah Burke and Brent Albright tried to make the save but got powder thrown in their eyes, which caused Cornette to go nuclear and rush the ring, screaming “that's TOO DAMN MUCH”. Eugene made the save with a kendo stick to clear the ring!

Brent Albright/Mike Mondo (w/ Kenny Bolin and Ms. Blue) are out to the ring. Dean Hill is in the ring to interview Bolin. Bolin introduces TV Champion Ken Doane with a bunch of hype about how he's the best. He dubs him the “Golden Boy”. Doane's out with some random blonde who's pretty hot and dressed in all white. He's got a new look with some black baggy shorts and spiked up hair. Bolin says kids today want money, cars, and women. He says Doane received the most lucrative contract in the history of Bolin Services, he got a pimped-out Caddy with multiple TVs and DVD players and a maxed out soundsystem to tide him over until he gets a car from the “pimp my ride” guys. Desiree is the OVW name of the chick. She kinda looks like a cleaned up and tats removed Angel Williams, so that's who it might be. Bolin says Ken is like a son to him now. Doane says Cornette says he's being held back and he's going to be a younger world champion than Orton was and he's better than Orton in every way. Cornette cuts him off and is reading a letter than Randy Orton. Orton says hello to his fans in OVW. Orton has read the reports of what Doane has said about him. Orton says he is not yet cleared to wrestle, but as a man he will be at Six Flags on July 15^th to confront Doane. Bolin declares war on Jim Cornette. Bolin actually says “you'd better be smarter than George Bush and pull your troops out of this war because there's going to be casualities!” Wow, when OVW wrestlers are ripping on Bush you know he's history. Doane says after Six Flag, he will be known as the real Legend-Killer, and does the Orton pose in the middle of the ring!

Aaron “The Idol” Stevens (w/ Beth Phoenix) v.s. Brent Albright for the OVW Championship.

I wonder if they'll acknowledge Phoenix is Albright's storyline cousin Stevens says Albright can't put the crowbar on him. Stevens says he has perfected the figure-four leglock and it will now forever be known as the Idollock. Stevens talking about breaking Albright's legs gets Beth Phoenix all hot and bothered. Some okay mat wrestling to start. Stevens tries to brawl with Albright after losing that exchange and gets tossed out of the ring Phoenix distracts Albright and Stevens clips Albright's leg. Leg into the ringpost and few times. 2 count once we get back in the ring. Idol comes back with some generic work on the knee. He goes for the figure four, but it is blocked into a rollup by Albright for 2. Clothesline to Idol. Several. He goes for a T-Bone suplex but his knee is too hurt. Stevens off the ropes and gets belly-2-bellied for 2. Dropkick to the knee and Idol is back in control. Stevens goes for a pin, but Albright does a swank counter into the crowbar. Phoenix pulls Stevens to the ropes. Idol tries to jump Albright from behind, but he gets backdropped over the top rope. That's a DQ in OVW and Stevens wins the match! Solid match, nothing special though. Albright grabs Phoenix, but Idol goes to the leg. Figure Four leglock. Refs and plain-closed guys come out to breakup the figure four. Albright can't stand up. We'll be back with a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT about the Southern Tag Team Titles!

OVW in Vernon Indiana Friday!

WWE RAW IN LOUISVILLE WITH CHRIS BENOIT

Here come the Thrillseekers to the ring. Ringrats go nuts. Cornette has an important announcement. He announces July 16^th at the WWE Louisville Raw event, Thrillseekers v.s. Blonde Bombers. Jeter takes the mic for a surely painful promo. He makes RVD seem like the Rock. Cornette says “well there you have it”, and here comes the Blonde Bombers on cue. Jillian Hall is just wearing the tag team belts as a bikini. The entourage is Ken Anderson and Jillian Hall tonight with Tank and Chad Toland. Tank says the Thrillseekers have bodies of 12-year old girls. He says they only have to defend the titles once every 30 days. He says they just defended them at Derby Park so they don't have to defend the belts. Matt does a Joel Gertner “WELL WELL WELL” for no reason. He calls them scared. Anderson is about to lose it. He says he's got a couple buddies coming into town. July 15^th, it's going to be Anderson's friends against the Thrillseekers at Six Flags. They are former World Tag Team Champions. If the Thrillseekers beat them, they get a title shot. Cornette says they don't have to do this. Anderson calls them chickens. Thrillseekers take a couple shots at them. Next our TV main event.

Let's show you what happened last week on a nontelevised match. Skyfire and some guy taking on Robert Fury and Vik Delicious. My GAWD. It's the Black guy who got cut from tough enough for lying about his age. Clothesline from the top. Zombie situp! He's sort of dressed like Papa Shango. He's singing “Jimmy Crack Corn”. This is very, very, weird. He's cutting a Warrior-riffic promo talking about putting your kids to sleep at night. He says he never had a mother and father. He says he's not afraid of the Boogieman. I AM THE BOOGIEMAN. I can't tell whether this is the greatest thing ever or wrestlecrap. He goes after the guard rail around the and scares the shit out of everyone. He crawls out the emergency exit of the building backwards!

Cornette is back at the announce desk and he explains that was Martin Wright, who was a Tough Enough IV finalist but he got cut for lying about his background which includes a history of mental illness. Cornette says some wrestlers adopt public personas to intimidate their opponents, but this guy is the real deal. He says OVW has declined to train him, and if you see this man on OVW property, please stay the hell away from him. Our TV Main event is next!

Blaster Lasheley & “The Giantkiller” Mike Mondo (w/ Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin and Ms. Blue) v.s. Elijah Burke & Deuce Shade.

Burke and Shade hit the ring during the ring intros and doubleteam Lasheley. Double elbows for everyone. Shade and Mondo in to start. Elbows to Mondo. Clothesline from the 2^nd rope gets 2. Burke in. Hiptosses. 2 count. Shade back in with a slingshot splash. Mondo with a clothesline. Lasheley in illegally but Burke takes it to him. Shoulderblock, flying forearm takes him down. X-Factor on Mondo but the ref is distracted. Ken Doane in and hits a NICE RKO on Burke. Mondo gets the 3 count!

Winners: Bolin Services.

A couple other refs come from the back and try to tell the ref what happened (Doane cheating), but Mondo takes them out. Bolin waves to the back... it's BIG GUIDO. Cornette says “By gawd, he's gotta be 7 feet tall!”. A bunch of jobbers come out of the back but Guido holds them off. We gotta get some help. Cornette says he has no business in the ring. Burke's eye is busted up. We're outta time! Bolin has declared WAR!