OVW TV for 7/22 & 7/29
We open with Ken Anderson in the locker room watching last week's show on a big screen TV. Clips are shown in black and white and letterboxed of last week's show as Anderson talks about them. God, this is so Tarantino/ECW style, with Anderson even cutting a Dreamer/Raven type ECW promo. Anyway, read last week's report. The jist of it is Anderson says he may not be a nice guy, but he'd never attack someone from behind. Anderson was impressed with Albright and says he's the man. He always does business face to face. Tonight you will see a different Mr. Anderson. Really cool intro to the show with Anderson's promo acting as a recap and a prologue to this week's show, almost in a sort of narrator context. Buy the frigging July OVW tape already.
Let the BODIES Hit the Floor!
Maria starts us off and she's lost her IQ points again. It's “Tank and Chad the Tolands” with a “Blonde Bombers” chyron. Ah, Jillian Hall with an unobstructed face. Maria interviews Jillian. Maria is all stupid again. Apparently the Tolands are the most dominant tag team in OVW history or something and they're going to face the winners of a Battle Royal (Seth Skyfire and Paul Burchill OMG SPOILERZ OF A HOUSE SHOW YOU CAN'T GO TO OR SEE UNLESS YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE) at Six Flags. Anyway, Jillian talks about how they've beaten everyone and crap. They're going to draw two random names to fight them tonight. It's Deuce Shade. It's DA BEAST.
Blonde Bombers (w/ Jillian Hall) v.s. Deuce Shade/Da Beast
Dean Hill says Al Snow is going to be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah right. Da Beast is a small hoss but he looks huge compared to the midget Tolands. Hell, Maria looked huge earlier. Beast tosses the Tolands around until he punches one of them and then hurts his hand. Shade in. He does some cartwheels and moderately impressive moves but I hit FF because I only have a half hour before this week's OVW show starts. Anyway, Jillian inteferes but Shade fights her and Chad off, only to get booted by Tank. Snow isn't calling Toland Wicks this week. One of the Tolands hits the cravate about 3 minutes in. Shade goes for the hot tag at the four minute mark. Beast has left because he's “hurt”. Shade hits his lame comeback, gets cut off, vegematic gets the 3 at exactly 6 minutes.
Da Beast stands in front of the announce table while Dean Hill and Al Snow run down the card for this week's show, blocking the camera so you can just see his backside. Cool shot. Hill says we'll talk to you after the break.
Cornette's voice lives! Steal the GAB with OVW! OVW card guaranteed to be better than the GAB card! OVW in E-Town!
We're back, and Da Beast is cutting a promo. Beast says he would fight for my bruddah, this ain't the streets and Shade isn't Beast's bruddah.
Here comes Elijah Burke! He stares down Da Beast. He says Beast abandoned his partner out there. Beast says his hand in broke. Burke says you cross Shade, you cross me. Beast says “go wrestle”.
Elijah Burke v.s. Russell Simpson.
Some usual stuff to start. Burke reels him in like he's Petey Wiliams about one minute in. X-Factor. Snow says Simpson is done. 1-2-3!
Your Winner: Elijah Burke (=~ 1 min)
Let's go backstage where we see the camera move up in the hallway to Elijah Burke. Apparently our announcers can talk to the wrestlers this way. Albright has his arm slinged up... in fact it looks exactly like Orlando Jordan's arm was this past week (7/28) on Smackdown. Snow asks Albright for a comment. Albright has no comment about getting keylocked by Puder. Snow badgers him as he goes into the locker room. Doring, Roadkill, and Thrillseekers are in there. Snow gets another “no comment” from Albright. Cappotelli says that's messed up, that was the same move that almost took out Kurt Angle. Albright gets in his face and says Matt needs to show respect and be less concerned about what he did to Kurt Angle and be more concerned about what Puder did to Albright. He's sick of people talking about Kurt Angle. Matt says he needs to get out of his face because he's not the one going after Albright's OVW title... yet. Albright gives him a headlock with his good arm. Albright tells Jeter to control his parnter, which gets Jeter all pissed. Albright says he'll take on anyone as some random jobbers hold him back.
OVW in Vernon! OVW in London... KY!
Aaron Stevens and Beth Phoenix are out. Here's Ken Anderson out with a mic. He says he does things face to face, eyeball to eyeball. I would never do something behind your back... which brings me to HER. Because... if you'd have seen what she was trying to do in the locker room last week. Stevens turns to look at Phoenix... allowing Anderson to jump him from behind! Big DDT! Anderson shakes Stevens' hand. Rolling Samoan Drop (Rocca Roll). Up to the top... SWANTON BOMB! 3-count. Where'd that come from? Squash!
Let's go backstage to where Maria and Alexis Laree are bouncing as Alexis is going to announce her big announcement. Beth Phoenix is whining about Stevens getting beat right off camera and the noise screws the interview up. Cat fight coming. Alexis says Phoenix shouldn't worry about the stuff in the ring from Idol, but who he's doing backstage. Slut! Hooker! Tramp! Maria gives us a “poopy pants”. They make a match for Six Flags and Idol pulls Phoenix away.
Backstage, Seth Skyfire is cutting a promo about being in the Battle Royal at Six Flags. OMG the lights go out.. there's some crashing and noise of stuff flying around.
Hahahahaha. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SOUL I'M GOING TO TAKE HOME WITH ME TONIGHT. HAHAHA ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? SHOULDN'T YOU BE SLEEPING? HISSSSS. GRUNT AAHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM DA BOOGEYMAN AND SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE.
RIP Seth Skyfire
Back at ringside, Hill and Snow have Lawlergasms over the prospect of Beth Phoenix v.s. Alexis Laree at Six Flags. They do some recap of stuff, particularly Ken Doane taking out Ric Flair at Six Flags.
Nick Nemeth is out. He says last week Ken Doane, the 19-year punk gave him a RKO and blindslided him. He says Doane overlooked him. Kenny Bolin is out. He starts a promo but Nemeth starts choking him out. He pummels Bolin... but gets RKOed out of nowhere on the concrete! There's Ken Doane! Nemeth is dead. Doane hits the Orton pose in the ring. Jobbers are out to attend to Nemeth as we take a quick break.
Doane says... look, is that Seven? Hey, redhead, I'm talking to you. It's Seven/Mordecai/Kevin Fertig. Wasn't he FIRED? He has the baseball cap of annoyance. Doane says you're an OVW legend. Rats chant “Seven”. Doane says if the has been had his gear on, he'd give him a TV title shot. Staredown in the ring. Refs separate them. Seven says he'll take the title and shove it up his ass. Doane says he doesn't have his gear and may not even have a ticket, he's not supposed to be in this building. One of the refs calls Doane chicken and he accepts the challenge.
“The Golden Boy” Ken Doane (w/ Desiree) v.s. Seven
Snow says Seven is on a “World Tour” and just stopped by OVW to say hello. Lots of stalling and a headlock. Hoss shoulderblock. Wristlock and shoulders against the arm and that's your two minutes of action. Shoulderblock. Headbutt. 2 count. Elbow. Clothesline. 2 count. Seven goes for Desiree. Doane goes for the RKO blow , low blow. Doane takes Seven's belt and WHIPS HIM LIKE A GUVAMENT MULE BY GAWD. Chris Kay notices the belt and takes it away. Stomps. Reverse chinlock takes us to the break!
Big dropkick by Doane! 2 count. Knees, 2 count. Seven makes his Nash-like comeback, but Doane cuts him off with an eyepoke that gets 2. Doane unhooks the turnbuckle. Doane chokes out Seven with his wrist tape. Big headlock. Elbows by Doane. Headbutt misses. Seven with right hands and more right hands, clothesline. Clothesline. Whip to the buckle, splash, splash. Samoan drop. 2 count. He goes for another Samoan Drop, Doane gets out, ducks a clothesline... DOANEation! 2.99! Doane calls for the RKO.. blocked! Kick to the head, Seven goes for a powerbomb, Doane shakes free and flips off the rope to get to his feet, then hits an RKO! Seven is dead and motionless 3-count.
Your Winner: Ken Doane (9:30)
Backstage, Puder is coming to the ring.
Next week, MNM returns to OVW!
Backstage Ms Blue and Mike Mondo tend to Kenny Bolin, who is koed and is talking in a squeaky voice. Quite funny. He freaks out over a medical guy who has a plastic glove on his hand (ala a Prostate exam). Doane and Desiree come in. Doane says he took out Nick Nemeth 2x, Ric Flair, and Seven. One of these things is not like the others. He says this Friday Night at Six Flags, he's coming for Orton!
Hill and Snow run down the card for Six Flags at the announce desk.
Dan Puder comes out with a mic. Ken Anderson comes out and says he's disappointed in Puder. He says Puder is no man because a man doesn't hit people from behind. Face to face, eyeball to eyeball, blah blah. The day I attacks someone from behind is the day I'm just like you Puder, nothing more than a CHICKENSHIT! Puder says we can go right now. Albright runs in as the two circle. Anderson tries to get Albright to fight Puder. Albright looks to have the better of Puder as Anderson watches. Anderson hits Albright from behind! Puder locks in the keylock! Albright tries to fight out as we go off the air!
We start with Maria in a hallway as MNM enter the Arena. Maria calls them former tag team champions causing Melina to choke a bitch. OH MY GOD. Melina says she doesn't want to hear that from a Raw girl. Nitro: “How'd she ever get a microphone?”
O-V-Dub chants as we go to the ring! Dean Hill says there will be a big announcement or something
Ken Anderson/Dan Puder v.s. James Smith and Jason Nelly
Ken Anderson does the ring announcing. Looks like OVW finally bought a wireless microphone... which is EXTREME for Louisville. Anderson has a great announcer voice. He says the opposing team weighs in at “935 and ¾ pounds”. Anderson says he's the Franchise of O V Dub and a bunch of other stuff. He repeats his name a few time for kicks. Puder comes out and it's all knuckle-up time or something as he's all MMAed out.
Puder starts out and is wrestling totally UFC style! Double leg takedown, waistlock, throwing the guy around. His partner in... sick double leg slam. Mounted punches. Fallaway slam! Ken Anderson gets tagged in and hits the swanton off the top for a 3 count! Anderson/Puder win!
Backstage, MNM and The Tolands get in a confrontation over MNM stealing Jillian Hall from them. MNM says they're going to take back the Southern Tag Team Titles. Chad thinks Melina is kinda cute as we leave.
Chett the Jet v.s “The Golden Boy” Ken Doane (w/ Desiree, Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin, Ms. Blue, and the TV title trophy)
Doane puts the TV title on the announce desk. Desiree has a new name but I'm too lazy to decipher it (Sosay?) Shoulderblock, Hiptoss blocked, armdrag, another, armbar. Chops. Jet in control. 2 count. Chet goes up top, but Doane dropkicks him off the top! Looks like there's no more “Over the Top Rope = DQ” rule. Doane stomps away as Jet is hung up. 2 count. Elbow. Stone Cold Elbow. 2-Count. Doane chokes Jet with the tape on his wrist. Randy Orton headlock. Doane backdropped over the top rope but holds on, but gets backdropped back in. Clotheslines a plenty, head to the buckle. Stinger splash, bicycle kick to the face gets TWO. 10-punch count in the corner, pushed off, Doane on the 2nd rope.. jumps into a spinebuster for 2.99! Doane goes to bail but is stopped, some whips around and then RKO attempt blocked, Novocaine by Jet gets 2.99!
Suplex reversed, spun around, Doane hits the RKO! 1-2-3!
Your Winner: Ken Doane
Nick Nemuth runs out. Grabs Sosay, kisses her. Doane pissed, Nemuth hits a baseball slide on Bolin. Chases Doane around the ring. Finally hits a RKO on Ken Doane! Play his lame Collective Soul Song. Nemuth hits the Doane ripoff of the Orton pose.
Meanwhile in the locker room, MNM run into the Thrillseekers. Matt respects MNM because they represent OVW. MNM say that should have been a speech at Hawk's funeral, what a ruuush. Jeter says they'd like to wrestle them but they already have a match tonight. Matt says he can get that changed. They agree to wrestle later tonight, winner gets a title shot at the Southern Tag Titles. Tension between Jeter and Matt.
Here comes Deuce Shade. Hill and Snow run down the next Six Flags card when Da Beast blocks the view of the desk.
Deuce Shade v.s. Osama (w/ Mo Green)
Total squash more or less for Shade. Hits the Deuce's Wild for the 1-2-3.
Beast and Shade face off. Beat goes to hit Shade but his hand is hurt.
MNM run into Brent Albright. Albright says the Tolands are a tough team. Any time, any place, he'll put the belt on the line if you guys want to see how tough you really are.
MNM v.s. The Thrillseekers (Winner gets Southern Tag Team Title Shot, person scoring the winning pinfall gets an OVW Heavyweight Title shot)
MNM get their titantron entrance, which is kinda lame. LOD chants. Great noncensored ass shot from the cameraman. This is your MAIN EVENT.
Get a coke or something because this is a long one. First let's take a break.
Match starts as we come back. Chris Kay your ref. Mercury and Cappotelli starting off. Collar and Elbow, both guys reverse and push each other around. Waistlock by Matt, reversed. Mercury takes him down. Bit of matwork, Matt gets up. LOD chants from the crowd. Another tieup. Headlock by Matt. Reversed to an armbar, back to the headlock by Matt now. Mercury reverses to his own headlock. Into the ropes, shoulderblock by Mercury, goes for the elbow but nobody home. Armdrag, armbar. Jeter in. Jeter off the top with an axehandle. Kick in the corner, Mercury tags in Nitro. Kicks tin the corner, kneelift, headlock. Into the ropes, shoulderblock, leapfrog on the 2nd try, armdrag by Jeter blocked, kick to the gut, Jeter goes for a Rocker Dropper but gets flipped... Jeter turns it into a rana! Kick to the gut, Matt in.
Punch, Head to the buckle, Irish whip to the buckle. Nitro slides in REALLY fast but Matt jumps over him. Armdrag by Matt. Nitro grabs the hair, tags in Mercury, doubleteam in the corner. Head to the buckle, again, chop WOOO. GO MATT GO CHANTS. Chop. Mercury poses, turns around into a choke, Matt comes back with chops. Biiig powerslam, 2 count. Mercury grabs the tights and throws Matt into the 2nd turnbuckle. Nitro in. Double whip, double clothesline ducked, double clothesline by Matt!. Jeter in, double hiptoss, double nipup, double forearm to Mercury outside the ring. Jeter gets a 2 count. Whip, double sledge gets two. Nitro whips Jeter to the buckle, runs into a boot, another armdrag to an armbar. Matt in, axehandle to the arm, thumb to the eye, head to the buckle by Nitro, Mercury in. Suplex, reversed to a waistlock, Mercury pushed into the buckle, Matt follows him in and runs into an elbow. Whip to the buckle, Mercury runs into a boot, but gets pissed and lariats Matt over the top rope!!
Nitro with the big kneelift. Nitro pose. Stomp. Punches. Modified Octopus-type hold from Nitro, into a real Octopus. Nitro exposes his back to the heel corner and tags in Mercurty, who smacks Matt in the back! Nice. Whip, knee to the gut. 2 count. Eddy Guerrero stomp to the face. Melina chokes Matt, which draws Jeter in. Doubleteam stomps. Nitro with kick to the abdomen. Double legdrop, Nitro in between the legs and Mercury on the neck as Mercury is tagged in. 2 count. Whip to the buckle. Big spear into the corner knocks Matt through the ropes. Matt pulled back in, waistlock but Matt draws on his Fighting Spirit(TM). Matt tries to elbow out, but misses an elbow as Mercury releases the hold! Northern Lights Suplex (w/ Bridge) gets 2!! Headlock, Nitro in. Double gutbuster. 2 count. Belly to back suplex attempt, Matt lands on his feet, shoves Nitro into Jeter who punches him, Matt rolls around Nitro to get the tag! Jeter in.
Clotheslines, flying forearm, backbreaker, 2 count! Whip, a little sequence... jumping spin kick by Jeter(~!~!). 2.99 as Mercury pulls the ref out. Melina distracts the ref. Mercury throws Jeter into the ringpost! Aww yeah, extended Southern Tag Formula baby! Melina gets thrown out! WEGOTTAGOTOABREAK!
As we come back from the 30-second break, Jeter tries to fight out of a headlock. Punches, Whip, reversed, sunset flip but blind tag before that! Nitro tagged in. Right hands, 2-count. Leglock by Nitro, Mercury tagged in and drops the leg, 2 count. Jeter tries to fight back as the crowd chants GO JETER GO. A couple punches create space until Mercury comes back with a sick kick to the head. Mercury puts his arm around the ref to tell him something while Nitro elbows Jeter on the apron. Slingshot into the bottom rope. Jeter outside and gets tossed back in. Whip to the heel corner, big clothesline. Nitro chokes him. Mercury steps on Jeter's throat, Nitro in. Headlock sets up crossfaces from Nitro. A couple more. Cravate~! Seriously, is Chris Hero an OVW trainer now? There's a cravate in every match now. 17 minutes in at this point.
Punches and an armdrag frees Jeter, but Nitro knocks Matt off the apron! Jeter pulled to the heel corner. Big kneedrop by Mercury behind the ref's back. Suplex. 2 count. Crowd really starting to buzz. Backbreaker. Mercury mocks Heidenreich's arm motion. Big elbow. 2 count thanks to sloppy cover. Nitro tagged in, Mr. Perfect neck snap, Nitro slingshots into the ring with an elbowdrop! Nice! Matt breaks up the pin attempt immediately. Mercurty tagged back in, back rake. Another backbreaker into a submission attempt. Jeter kicks out of the hold. Jeter tries to get to his corner, but gets grabbed by the tights. Scoop slam reversed into a Jeter inverted DDT!! Race to Tag Time! Nitro in to stop Jeter! He grabs a leg but Jeter hops and tags in Matt!!! Punch, clothesline, whip, backdrop! Swinging neckbreaker. Punches in the corner. Whip, MNM sandwiched in the corner, big kneelift, jumping leg lariat on Nitro, Mercury clotheslined over the top rope. Big D'Lo Brown Legdrop... 2.999!! 20 minutes in! Whip, revsered, Mercury grabs Matt. Mercury is grabbed by the hair. Nitro goes to hit Matt, misses and hits Mercury! Rollup, 2.9!
Crisscross, double clothesline! Melina back out with a chair. Kay tries to kick her out. Mercury nails Chris Kay from behind! He's out. Mercury takes the chair in the ring. He goes to blister Matt... hits Nitro!! Matt dropkicks the chair into Mercury's face, knocking him outside the ring! Cover, no ref! Matt goes to revive the ref, throws him into the ring gingerly. Matt and Nitro fight, Matt whipped into the ref on the apron! Kick to the gut. Chop by Jeter, Chop by Matt, repeat for about 30 seconds, double chop, double fist. Matt holds Nitro as Jeter goes for something, but Mercury lowbridges him! Lowblow by Nitro. 25 minutes gone. They call for the Snapshot. They hit it! No ref still. Nitro covers him. Mercury clals for another ref. 2.9999!!! Big pop for the kickout. MNM can't believe it. They go for another one, no double whip, they go for a flapjack... reversed into a double DDT! Matt goes up top. Melina knocks him off the top! Maria out... here's Heyman's contribution to the Southern Tag Team Formula... CATFIIIIGHT CATFIIIIGHT! ECW-style of course.
About 3 or 4 refs are suddenly out to break it up (where were they earlier when the ref got bumped?) They get them broken up. Jeter finally gets up. All four men in the ring. DOUBLE SUPERKICK. 1-2-3! Both Chris Kay and Ray Ramsey (the other ref) count different people.
About 27:30 all together. I rate that *** 3/4
Your Winners; The Thrillseekers... Your Number One Contender for the OVW Heavyweight Title is now... Matt Capotelli AND Johnny Jeter??
Let the BODIES Hit the Floor!
Maria starts us off and she's lost her IQ points again. It's “Tank and Chad the Tolands” with a “Blonde Bombers” chyron. Ah, Jillian Hall with an unobstructed face. Maria interviews Jillian. Maria is all stupid again. Apparently the Tolands are the most dominant tag team in OVW history or something and they're going to face the winners of a Battle Royal (Seth Skyfire and Paul Burchill OMG SPOILERZ OF A HOUSE SHOW YOU CAN'T GO TO OR SEE UNLESS YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE) at Six Flags. Anyway, Jillian talks about how they've beaten everyone and crap. They're going to draw two random names to fight them tonight. It's Deuce Shade. It's DA BEAST.
Blonde Bombers (w/ Jillian Hall) v.s. Deuce Shade/Da Beast
Dean Hill says Al Snow is going to be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah right. Da Beast is a small hoss but he looks huge compared to the midget Tolands. Hell, Maria looked huge earlier. Beast tosses the Tolands around until he punches one of them and then hurts his hand. Shade in. He does some cartwheels and moderately impressive moves but I hit FF because I only have a half hour before this week's OVW show starts. Anyway, Jillian inteferes but Shade fights her and Chad off, only to get booted by Tank. Snow isn't calling Toland Wicks this week. One of the Tolands hits the cravate about 3 minutes in. Shade goes for the hot tag at the four minute mark. Beast has left because he's “hurt”. Shade hits his lame comeback, gets cut off, vegematic gets the 3 at exactly 6 minutes.
Da Beast stands in front of the announce table while Dean Hill and Al Snow run down the card for this week's show, blocking the camera so you can just see his backside. Cool shot. Hill says we'll talk to you after the break.
Cornette's voice lives! Steal the GAB with OVW! OVW card guaranteed to be better than the GAB card! OVW in E-Town!
We're back, and Da Beast is cutting a promo. Beast says he would fight for my bruddah, this ain't the streets and Shade isn't Beast's bruddah.
Here comes Elijah Burke! He stares down Da Beast. He says Beast abandoned his partner out there. Beast says his hand in broke. Burke says you cross Shade, you cross me. Beast says “go wrestle”.
Elijah Burke v.s. Russell Simpson.
Some usual stuff to start. Burke reels him in like he's Petey Wiliams about one minute in. X-Factor. Snow says Simpson is done. 1-2-3!
Your Winner: Elijah Burke (=~ 1 min)
Let's go backstage where we see the camera move up in the hallway to Elijah Burke. Apparently our announcers can talk to the wrestlers this way. Albright has his arm slinged up... in fact it looks exactly like Orlando Jordan's arm was this past week (7/28) on Smackdown. Snow asks Albright for a comment. Albright has no comment about getting keylocked by Puder. Snow badgers him as he goes into the locker room. Doring, Roadkill, and Thrillseekers are in there. Snow gets another “no comment” from Albright. Cappotelli says that's messed up, that was the same move that almost took out Kurt Angle. Albright gets in his face and says Matt needs to show respect and be less concerned about what he did to Kurt Angle and be more concerned about what Puder did to Albright. He's sick of people talking about Kurt Angle. Matt says he needs to get out of his face because he's not the one going after Albright's OVW title... yet. Albright gives him a headlock with his good arm. Albright tells Jeter to control his parnter, which gets Jeter all pissed. Albright says he'll take on anyone as some random jobbers hold him back.
OVW in Vernon! OVW in London... KY!
Aaron Stevens and Beth Phoenix are out. Here's Ken Anderson out with a mic. He says he does things face to face, eyeball to eyeball. I would never do something behind your back... which brings me to HER. Because... if you'd have seen what she was trying to do in the locker room last week. Stevens turns to look at Phoenix... allowing Anderson to jump him from behind! Big DDT! Anderson shakes Stevens' hand. Rolling Samoan Drop (Rocca Roll). Up to the top... SWANTON BOMB! 3-count. Where'd that come from? Squash!
Let's go backstage to where Maria and Alexis Laree are bouncing as Alexis is going to announce her big announcement. Beth Phoenix is whining about Stevens getting beat right off camera and the noise screws the interview up. Cat fight coming. Alexis says Phoenix shouldn't worry about the stuff in the ring from Idol, but who he's doing backstage. Slut! Hooker! Tramp! Maria gives us a “poopy pants”. They make a match for Six Flags and Idol pulls Phoenix away.
Backstage, Seth Skyfire is cutting a promo about being in the Battle Royal at Six Flags. OMG the lights go out.. there's some crashing and noise of stuff flying around.
Hahahahaha. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SOUL I'M GOING TO TAKE HOME WITH ME TONIGHT. HAHAHA ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? SHOULDN'T YOU BE SLEEPING? HISSSSS. GRUNT AAHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM DA BOOGEYMAN AND SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE.
RIP Seth Skyfire
Back at ringside, Hill and Snow have Lawlergasms over the prospect of Beth Phoenix v.s. Alexis Laree at Six Flags. They do some recap of stuff, particularly Ken Doane taking out Ric Flair at Six Flags.
Nick Nemeth is out. He says last week Ken Doane, the 19-year punk gave him a RKO and blindslided him. He says Doane overlooked him. Kenny Bolin is out. He starts a promo but Nemeth starts choking him out. He pummels Bolin... but gets RKOed out of nowhere on the concrete! There's Ken Doane! Nemeth is dead. Doane hits the Orton pose in the ring. Jobbers are out to attend to Nemeth as we take a quick break.
Doane says... look, is that Seven? Hey, redhead, I'm talking to you. It's Seven/Mordecai/Kevin Fertig. Wasn't he FIRED? He has the baseball cap of annoyance. Doane says you're an OVW legend. Rats chant “Seven”. Doane says if the has been had his gear on, he'd give him a TV title shot. Staredown in the ring. Refs separate them. Seven says he'll take the title and shove it up his ass. Doane says he doesn't have his gear and may not even have a ticket, he's not supposed to be in this building. One of the refs calls Doane chicken and he accepts the challenge.
“The Golden Boy” Ken Doane (w/ Desiree) v.s. Seven
Snow says Seven is on a “World Tour” and just stopped by OVW to say hello. Lots of stalling and a headlock. Hoss shoulderblock. Wristlock and shoulders against the arm and that's your two minutes of action. Shoulderblock. Headbutt. 2 count. Elbow. Clothesline. 2 count. Seven goes for Desiree. Doane goes for the RKO blow , low blow. Doane takes Seven's belt and WHIPS HIM LIKE A GUVAMENT MULE BY GAWD. Chris Kay notices the belt and takes it away. Stomps. Reverse chinlock takes us to the break!
Big dropkick by Doane! 2 count. Knees, 2 count. Seven makes his Nash-like comeback, but Doane cuts him off with an eyepoke that gets 2. Doane unhooks the turnbuckle. Doane chokes out Seven with his wrist tape. Big headlock. Elbows by Doane. Headbutt misses. Seven with right hands and more right hands, clothesline. Clothesline. Whip to the buckle, splash, splash. Samoan drop. 2 count. He goes for another Samoan Drop, Doane gets out, ducks a clothesline... DOANEation! 2.99! Doane calls for the RKO.. blocked! Kick to the head, Seven goes for a powerbomb, Doane shakes free and flips off the rope to get to his feet, then hits an RKO! Seven is dead and motionless 3-count.
Your Winner: Ken Doane (9:30)
Backstage, Puder is coming to the ring.
Next week, MNM returns to OVW!
Backstage Ms Blue and Mike Mondo tend to Kenny Bolin, who is koed and is talking in a squeaky voice. Quite funny. He freaks out over a medical guy who has a plastic glove on his hand (ala a Prostate exam). Doane and Desiree come in. Doane says he took out Nick Nemeth 2x, Ric Flair, and Seven. One of these things is not like the others. He says this Friday Night at Six Flags, he's coming for Orton!
Hill and Snow run down the card for Six Flags at the announce desk.
Dan Puder comes out with a mic. Ken Anderson comes out and says he's disappointed in Puder. He says Puder is no man because a man doesn't hit people from behind. Face to face, eyeball to eyeball, blah blah. The day I attacks someone from behind is the day I'm just like you Puder, nothing more than a CHICKENSHIT! Puder says we can go right now. Albright runs in as the two circle. Anderson tries to get Albright to fight Puder. Albright looks to have the better of Puder as Anderson watches. Anderson hits Albright from behind! Puder locks in the keylock! Albright tries to fight out as we go off the air!
We start with Maria in a hallway as MNM enter the Arena. Maria calls them former tag team champions causing Melina to choke a bitch. OH MY GOD. Melina says she doesn't want to hear that from a Raw girl. Nitro: “How'd she ever get a microphone?”
O-V-Dub chants as we go to the ring! Dean Hill says there will be a big announcement or something
Ken Anderson/Dan Puder v.s. James Smith and Jason Nelly
Ken Anderson does the ring announcing. Looks like OVW finally bought a wireless microphone... which is EXTREME for Louisville. Anderson has a great announcer voice. He says the opposing team weighs in at “935 and ¾ pounds”. Anderson says he's the Franchise of O V Dub and a bunch of other stuff. He repeats his name a few time for kicks. Puder comes out and it's all knuckle-up time or something as he's all MMAed out.
Puder starts out and is wrestling totally UFC style! Double leg takedown, waistlock, throwing the guy around. His partner in... sick double leg slam. Mounted punches. Fallaway slam! Ken Anderson gets tagged in and hits the swanton off the top for a 3 count! Anderson/Puder win!
Backstage, MNM and The Tolands get in a confrontation over MNM stealing Jillian Hall from them. MNM says they're going to take back the Southern Tag Team Titles. Chad thinks Melina is kinda cute as we leave.
Chett the Jet v.s “The Golden Boy” Ken Doane (w/ Desiree, Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin, Ms. Blue, and the TV title trophy)
Doane puts the TV title on the announce desk. Desiree has a new name but I'm too lazy to decipher it (Sosay?) Shoulderblock, Hiptoss blocked, armdrag, another, armbar. Chops. Jet in control. 2 count. Chet goes up top, but Doane dropkicks him off the top! Looks like there's no more “Over the Top Rope = DQ” rule. Doane stomps away as Jet is hung up. 2 count. Elbow. Stone Cold Elbow. 2-Count. Doane chokes Jet with the tape on his wrist. Randy Orton headlock. Doane backdropped over the top rope but holds on, but gets backdropped back in. Clotheslines a plenty, head to the buckle. Stinger splash, bicycle kick to the face gets TWO. 10-punch count in the corner, pushed off, Doane on the 2nd rope.. jumps into a spinebuster for 2.99! Doane goes to bail but is stopped, some whips around and then RKO attempt blocked, Novocaine by Jet gets 2.99!
Suplex reversed, spun around, Doane hits the RKO! 1-2-3!
Your Winner: Ken Doane
Nick Nemuth runs out. Grabs Sosay, kisses her. Doane pissed, Nemuth hits a baseball slide on Bolin. Chases Doane around the ring. Finally hits a RKO on Ken Doane! Play his lame Collective Soul Song. Nemuth hits the Doane ripoff of the Orton pose.
Meanwhile in the locker room, MNM run into the Thrillseekers. Matt respects MNM because they represent OVW. MNM say that should have been a speech at Hawk's funeral, what a ruuush. Jeter says they'd like to wrestle them but they already have a match tonight. Matt says he can get that changed. They agree to wrestle later tonight, winner gets a title shot at the Southern Tag Titles. Tension between Jeter and Matt.
Here comes Deuce Shade. Hill and Snow run down the next Six Flags card when Da Beast blocks the view of the desk.
Deuce Shade v.s. Osama (w/ Mo Green)
Total squash more or less for Shade. Hits the Deuce's Wild for the 1-2-3.
Beast and Shade face off. Beat goes to hit Shade but his hand is hurt.
MNM run into Brent Albright. Albright says the Tolands are a tough team. Any time, any place, he'll put the belt on the line if you guys want to see how tough you really are.
MNM v.s. The Thrillseekers (Winner gets Southern Tag Team Title Shot, person scoring the winning pinfall gets an OVW Heavyweight Title shot)
MNM get their titantron entrance, which is kinda lame. LOD chants. Great noncensored ass shot from the cameraman. This is your MAIN EVENT.
Get a coke or something because this is a long one. First let's take a break.
Match starts as we come back. Chris Kay your ref. Mercury and Cappotelli starting off. Collar and Elbow, both guys reverse and push each other around. Waistlock by Matt, reversed. Mercury takes him down. Bit of matwork, Matt gets up. LOD chants from the crowd. Another tieup. Headlock by Matt. Reversed to an armbar, back to the headlock by Matt now. Mercury reverses to his own headlock. Into the ropes, shoulderblock by Mercury, goes for the elbow but nobody home. Armdrag, armbar. Jeter in. Jeter off the top with an axehandle. Kick in the corner, Mercury tags in Nitro. Kicks tin the corner, kneelift, headlock. Into the ropes, shoulderblock, leapfrog on the 2nd try, armdrag by Jeter blocked, kick to the gut, Jeter goes for a Rocker Dropper but gets flipped... Jeter turns it into a rana! Kick to the gut, Matt in.
Punch, Head to the buckle, Irish whip to the buckle. Nitro slides in REALLY fast but Matt jumps over him. Armdrag by Matt. Nitro grabs the hair, tags in Mercury, doubleteam in the corner. Head to the buckle, again, chop WOOO. GO MATT GO CHANTS. Chop. Mercury poses, turns around into a choke, Matt comes back with chops. Biiig powerslam, 2 count. Mercury grabs the tights and throws Matt into the 2nd turnbuckle. Nitro in. Double whip, double clothesline ducked, double clothesline by Matt!. Jeter in, double hiptoss, double nipup, double forearm to Mercury outside the ring. Jeter gets a 2 count. Whip, double sledge gets two. Nitro whips Jeter to the buckle, runs into a boot, another armdrag to an armbar. Matt in, axehandle to the arm, thumb to the eye, head to the buckle by Nitro, Mercury in. Suplex, reversed to a waistlock, Mercury pushed into the buckle, Matt follows him in and runs into an elbow. Whip to the buckle, Mercury runs into a boot, but gets pissed and lariats Matt over the top rope!!
Nitro with the big kneelift. Nitro pose. Stomp. Punches. Modified Octopus-type hold from Nitro, into a real Octopus. Nitro exposes his back to the heel corner and tags in Mercurty, who smacks Matt in the back! Nice. Whip, knee to the gut. 2 count. Eddy Guerrero stomp to the face. Melina chokes Matt, which draws Jeter in. Doubleteam stomps. Nitro with kick to the abdomen. Double legdrop, Nitro in between the legs and Mercury on the neck as Mercury is tagged in. 2 count. Whip to the buckle. Big spear into the corner knocks Matt through the ropes. Matt pulled back in, waistlock but Matt draws on his Fighting Spirit(TM). Matt tries to elbow out, but misses an elbow as Mercury releases the hold! Northern Lights Suplex (w/ Bridge) gets 2!! Headlock, Nitro in. Double gutbuster. 2 count. Belly to back suplex attempt, Matt lands on his feet, shoves Nitro into Jeter who punches him, Matt rolls around Nitro to get the tag! Jeter in.
Clotheslines, flying forearm, backbreaker, 2 count! Whip, a little sequence... jumping spin kick by Jeter(~!~!). 2.99 as Mercury pulls the ref out. Melina distracts the ref. Mercury throws Jeter into the ringpost! Aww yeah, extended Southern Tag Formula baby! Melina gets thrown out! WEGOTTAGOTOABREAK!
As we come back from the 30-second break, Jeter tries to fight out of a headlock. Punches, Whip, reversed, sunset flip but blind tag before that! Nitro tagged in. Right hands, 2-count. Leglock by Nitro, Mercury tagged in and drops the leg, 2 count. Jeter tries to fight back as the crowd chants GO JETER GO. A couple punches create space until Mercury comes back with a sick kick to the head. Mercury puts his arm around the ref to tell him something while Nitro elbows Jeter on the apron. Slingshot into the bottom rope. Jeter outside and gets tossed back in. Whip to the heel corner, big clothesline. Nitro chokes him. Mercury steps on Jeter's throat, Nitro in. Headlock sets up crossfaces from Nitro. A couple more. Cravate~! Seriously, is Chris Hero an OVW trainer now? There's a cravate in every match now. 17 minutes in at this point.
Punches and an armdrag frees Jeter, but Nitro knocks Matt off the apron! Jeter pulled to the heel corner. Big kneedrop by Mercury behind the ref's back. Suplex. 2 count. Crowd really starting to buzz. Backbreaker. Mercury mocks Heidenreich's arm motion. Big elbow. 2 count thanks to sloppy cover. Nitro tagged in, Mr. Perfect neck snap, Nitro slingshots into the ring with an elbowdrop! Nice! Matt breaks up the pin attempt immediately. Mercurty tagged back in, back rake. Another backbreaker into a submission attempt. Jeter kicks out of the hold. Jeter tries to get to his corner, but gets grabbed by the tights. Scoop slam reversed into a Jeter inverted DDT!! Race to Tag Time! Nitro in to stop Jeter! He grabs a leg but Jeter hops and tags in Matt!!! Punch, clothesline, whip, backdrop! Swinging neckbreaker. Punches in the corner. Whip, MNM sandwiched in the corner, big kneelift, jumping leg lariat on Nitro, Mercury clotheslined over the top rope. Big D'Lo Brown Legdrop... 2.999!! 20 minutes in! Whip, revsered, Mercury grabs Matt. Mercury is grabbed by the hair. Nitro goes to hit Matt, misses and hits Mercury! Rollup, 2.9!
Crisscross, double clothesline! Melina back out with a chair. Kay tries to kick her out. Mercury nails Chris Kay from behind! He's out. Mercury takes the chair in the ring. He goes to blister Matt... hits Nitro!! Matt dropkicks the chair into Mercury's face, knocking him outside the ring! Cover, no ref! Matt goes to revive the ref, throws him into the ring gingerly. Matt and Nitro fight, Matt whipped into the ref on the apron! Kick to the gut. Chop by Jeter, Chop by Matt, repeat for about 30 seconds, double chop, double fist. Matt holds Nitro as Jeter goes for something, but Mercury lowbridges him! Lowblow by Nitro. 25 minutes gone. They call for the Snapshot. They hit it! No ref still. Nitro covers him. Mercury clals for another ref. 2.9999!!! Big pop for the kickout. MNM can't believe it. They go for another one, no double whip, they go for a flapjack... reversed into a double DDT! Matt goes up top. Melina knocks him off the top! Maria out... here's Heyman's contribution to the Southern Tag Team Formula... CATFIIIIGHT CATFIIIIGHT! ECW-style of course.
About 3 or 4 refs are suddenly out to break it up (where were they earlier when the ref got bumped?) They get them broken up. Jeter finally gets up. All four men in the ring. DOUBLE SUPERKICK. 1-2-3! Both Chris Kay and Ray Ramsey (the other ref) count different people.
About 27:30 all together. I rate that *** 3/4
Your Winners; The Thrillseekers... Your Number One Contender for the OVW Heavyweight Title is now... Matt Capotelli AND Johnny Jeter??
posted by Fro at 12:52 AM
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