What if...I created the gimmick for Jillian?
On Smackdown this past Thursday, we were treated to the debut of longtime OVW developmental worker Jillian Hall's debut on WWE television. Creative, doing what they do best, got drunk together one night and decided to watch a bunch of pop-cultural favorite moving picture media for inspiration. After passing around a substance to deal with their collective glaucoma they came across Austin Powers in Goldmember...and a gimmick was born.
In typical WWE fashion, it wasn't bad enough to just steal a bad joke for a gimmick. No, they had to steal the bad joke and make it even worse! Why stop at a mole when you can make it a tumor? And why make it look the least bit realistic when you can make it an obvious Lee Press-On Face Tumor (coming soon to a store near you) when you can just have everybody on camera pretend it looks realistic?
You have to admit — that takes balls. It's a wink to the fans that says "We know you know it's not real but let's pretend anyways!" Yes, we are reminded once again that wrestling is fake! Via gimmick, no less!
Some of us wouldn't have it any other way.
So if they wanted fake and insulting to people with deformities why use the Goldmember deformity? This is the WWE! This is the company that made us love the developmentally challenged and pissed off the political pundits with their "Arab-American sacrifice" storyline. Surely they aren't afraid to go all the way are they?
Not if I was in charge they wouldn't be. See, there was a deformity in recent pop-culture that was actually funny, sickening and would still look fake if applied in real life. I am referring, of course, to the South Park Elementary school nurse who was afflicted with Conjoined Twin Myslexia. What is that you ask? Why it's when a mother has conjoined twins but one of the fetuses dies but can not be removed with the living person's body.
Dead babies? Surely WWE would never go that far...again. But they would if I was in charge! And to make it extra special? Let's give the fetus the head of everybody's favorite Baby Killer: The Snit~!
Now that, my friends, is a merchandiseable gimmick!
In typical WWE fashion, it wasn't bad enough to just steal a bad joke for a gimmick. No, they had to steal the bad joke and make it even worse! Why stop at a mole when you can make it a tumor? And why make it look the least bit realistic when you can make it an obvious Lee Press-On Face Tumor (coming soon to a store near you) when you can just have everybody on camera pretend it looks realistic?
You have to admit — that takes balls. It's a wink to the fans that says "We know you know it's not real but let's pretend anyways!" Yes, we are reminded once again that wrestling is fake! Via gimmick, no less!
Some of us wouldn't have it any other way.
So if they wanted fake and insulting to people with deformities why use the Goldmember deformity? This is the WWE! This is the company that made us love the developmentally challenged and pissed off the political pundits with their "Arab-American sacrifice" storyline. Surely they aren't afraid to go all the way are they?
Not if I was in charge they wouldn't be. See, there was a deformity in recent pop-culture that was actually funny, sickening and would still look fake if applied in real life. I am referring, of course, to the South Park Elementary school nurse who was afflicted with Conjoined Twin Myslexia. What is that you ask? Why it's when a mother has conjoined twins but one of the fetuses dies but can not be removed with the living person's body.
Dead babies? Surely WWE would never go that far...again. But they would if I was in charge! And to make it extra special? Let's give the fetus the head of everybody's favorite Baby Killer: The Snit~!
Now that, my friends, is a merchandiseable gimmick!
posted by Stefan at 9:50 PM
7 Comments:
Thank you for giving me nightmares of that first pic!
hohoho I never thought I'd say this but Gene looks waaaaay better... whats the tumour supposed to be anyway, a rice cake with almonds and elbow macaroni stuck to it....
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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